Hi Friend,
First, I want to say I did the thing I always tell my clients: you can’t do everything, so prioritize.
And August was just that for me.
My daughter started kindergarten last week, and in the weeks leading up to it, I shared some of last year’s back-to-school blogs in my newsletter because they were still helpful AND because it meant I didn’t have to write something new. 😂
And last week in particular, I didn’t send out the POP Talk newsletter or write a new blog. Because I prioritized spending time with my daughter, making sure she was ready and, honestly, making sure I was ready. LOL.
It’s a big milestone, and I wanted to slow down enough to actually savor it.
Which brings me to this week’s blog.
I’ve been mulling—or maybe marinating—on a topic I’ve been seeing more and more on social media. And as I get older (I guess I’m officially a middle-aged woman now 😂), learn more from my clients, learn more from my own experiences, and continue researching and paying attention to what’s out there, I keep coming back to this:
Women’s relationship with productivity and managing life can be very different than the traditional productivity advice we’re constantly given.
And maybe that’s part of why so many of those traditional systems don’t stick. Or don’t work particularly well for us.
Now, I’m not coming to you as a medical researcher or neuroscience expert. I’m a productivity coach and organizer who is curious, pays attention, and likes to dig into the “why” behind the way we function.
And I’ve been seeing more research looking at the relationship between stress, connection, oxytocin, and the way our bodies respond to support.
Sometimes Your Nervous System Just Needs Your People
We hear a lot about dopamine and how it helps with motivation, reward, focus, and that little hit of satisfaction we get when we accomplish something. But there’s another piece of the puzzle that doesn’t get talked about as much: connection.
Research has found that oxytocin, a hormone involved in bonding and attachment, may play a role in how our bodies respond to stress, particularly when we feel safe and supported by other people. In one study of 180 women, researchers found that oxytocin enhanced some of the stress-buffering effects of having support from a friend, particularly among women who had experienced more adversity earlier in life.
So sometimes when you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or feeling like you just can’t get yourself back on track, the answer may not be another productivity hack or one more thing on your to-do list.
Sometimes your nervous system needs a conversation with a friend, a hug, a good laugh, or simply to be around people who make you feel safe.
Connection isn’t a distraction from taking care of yourself. It can actually be part of it.
So What Does This Mean for Productivity?
Well, this is where I think it gets really interesting.
So many productivity systems are built around doing more, accomplishing more, checking things off, and getting that little dopamine hit from feeling productive.
And dopamine isn’t bad. We need it! It plays an important role in motivation and reward.
But what if we’re putting so much emphasis on the doing that we’re overlooking something else our brains and bodies need?
Connection.
Because if you’re already overwhelmed and running on empty, another system telling you to optimize every minute of your day may not be what you need.
Maybe what you need is to stop trying to do everything alone.
Maybe you need to work alongside someone instead of doing the task by yourself.
Maybe you need to take a walk with a friend instead of forcing yourself to squeeze in another chore.
Maybe you need to have dinner with your family without thinking about everything you should be doing while you’re sitting there.
Maybe you need to ask for help.
And maybe some of the things on your to-do list can actually become opportunities for connection.
Fold laundry while talking to a friend. Meal prep with your partner. Run errands with someone. Work on your computer alongside a friend. Body double. Take a walk and make the phone call you’ve been putting off.
Integrate connection into the things you already have to do.
So where does that leave us?
Doing what I talked about at the very beginning of this blog:
Prioritize.
Not just the things that have to get done, but the things that help you feel supported, connected, and like an actual human being instead of a productivity machine.
Humans are communal. We aren’t meant to do everything alone.
So let’s commune. 😂
You know what I always say: Build your tribe. Work together. Support is key.
And maybe there’s more science behind that advice than we realized.
Need Some Support?
And if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you’re trying to manage, let me be part of your tribe. You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
I can help with physical and digital organization, productivity coaching, moving support, and life transitions.
Sometimes you don’t need another app, planner, or productivity hack. Sometimes you just need someone in your corner.
Reach out and let me be part of your tribe. I’d love to support you.
Source: Riem, M. M. E., et al. (2020), “Intranasal oxytocin enhances stress-protective effects of social support in women with negative childhood experiences during a virtual Trier Social Stress Test,” Psychoneuroendocrinology, 111, 104482. DOI: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2019.104482.
